


Hell

by tosaveonehuman



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ficlet, Other, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 19:34:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2823566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tosaveonehuman/pseuds/tosaveonehuman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean tells Cas about Hell</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hell

“The jig is up, the noose is out, they finally found me,” Dean sang along to the song playing from his phone next to him. He was sitting on the edge of the motel room bed cleaning his weapon, careful not to let anything get on the ugly green and red checkered bedspread. He paused in his performance to take a sip of the whiskey in the tumbler at his feet.   
“Hello, Dean,” Castiel’s deep voice cut through the music. Dean jumped and dropped his weapon on the floor.   
“Jesus, Cas,” Dean said, standing and turning to the angel. “How many times to I gotta tell you, don’t-“He stopped dead as he got his first look at his best friend. “Son of a bitch, Cas, what happened to you?”  
Cas looked absolutely haggard- his hair was lacking the quality that made it look intentionally messy, and instead was just in a state of complete disorder. His suit, already ill-fitted, was wrinkled and stained, and there were dark circles under his eyes.  
Cas looked down at himself. “I, uh…” He cleared his throat. “I’m afraid my memories of Purgatory have taken their toll.”  
Dean nodded as he walked over to the fridge and pulled out two beers, then gestured to the table.   
“Did I ever tell you about Hell?” He asked without really meaning to.  
Cas’ eyebrows drew together in confusion. “I know you lied and told Sam that you don’t remember anything.”  
Dean let out a humorless laugh. “Okay yeah, but I remember more than just the shitty things that happened to me while I was actually in Hell… Cas, I remember the sound of your garrison laying siege. There was this constant clash of blades ringing against each other, the screams of demons dying, and the shouts to pull back another level. I remember...” Dean’s voice trailed off for a second. Cas could tell it wrecked Dean to have to relive this… but it almost seemed like Dean was getting lighter with every word. “I remember Alistair looking at me and saying, they’re here for you, Dean-o. They’re here to set you free.”  
“Dean, you don’t have to keep-“  
“Yeah, I do,” Dean said. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for years… I just couldn’t find a chance.” Cas stared at him, then nodded his head once. “Anyways… by this point, Alistair had already taken me off the rack. Cas… by that point I was addicted to the felling of torturing. I began getting… frantic, almost. The torture got worse. Then one day… everything changed. As I dragged my blade across the flayed skin of my newest victim, the room filled with this unbearable heat- even for Hell, this was searing. I felt the heat on every nerve ending, and… I don’t even want to think of what the guy was feeling. I remember laughing at his screams. And then, all of a sudden, the room filled with light. I remember your voice- your real voice- around me, Cas, and you were telling be to let it go.” Dean realized that there were tears leaking from his eyes, and he lifted a trembling hand to wipe the tears away. As he continued talking, is whole body began shaking uncontrollably. He felt Cas sit beside him, and heard the angel tell him to calm down, that he didn’t have to keep going, he could stop. But he couldn’t stop- he just talked over Cas.   
“I remember screaming when you grabbed me. My shoulder was in agony, and it was enough to make me wish Alistair would put me back on the rack. I remember the unbelievable pain I felt as you began stitching me back together. My nerves felt like they were on fire as they fused back together. And then all at once it stopped- and more than anything, I remember the feeling of being slammed back into my body, still hot from being sown back together so recently. In those first moments as my soul rejoined with my body, I remember not being in control of it- I gasped for air that wasn’t there-I-I couldn’t breathe Cas-“ Dean’s entire body was wracked with sobs, and he bent forward as the panic attack hit him full force. He heard the panic in Castiel’s voice as he shouted his name. But even then he couldn’t stop talking. “I couldn’t move- I was trapped- Cas!” He couldn’t breathe around the panic closing his throat. Then he felt Castiel’s hands on his shoulders, and he collapsed forwards into the angels arms. Cas soothed him as his panic attack ended, and when it was over, Dean closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t know why I told you that.”  
Cas felt his sick with guilt- he couldn’t believe he’d done this to Dean. “I’m glad you did,” he said, and stayed with Dean, not touching, talking or even looking at each other, until the hunter reluctantly fell asleep.


End file.
